This month marks the one year anniversary of The Habit Tablet. I compare my attention to the process of developing the images, text, and feel of the site, with my experience of learning to ride a bike. The focused determination to get this site off the ground and let it fly through cyberspace was exhilarating - just like the actions that aligned and synchronized mind, body, and spirit to birth the peddling, balancing, and steering moment of flight on two wheels. Success is sweet. Sustained success is the objective.

Sustainability (derived from the Latin 'sustinere' (tenere 'to hold; sus 'up'), is the capacity to endure, to continue to hold up one's objectives in the face of life experiences that may pull one down or cause one to lose focus. Paying attention to my desires (rather than my fears) is my focused objective. 

A quote from Mike Dooley (tut.com) is helping me to remember what to pay attention to: "Life is where one goes to temporarily believe in death, fleetingly forget their power, and briefly have the Dickens scared out of them, voluntarily. All in the name of adventure." 

I like the thought of being an adventuring volunteer on this journey.

Neurolinguistic Submodalities: "The smallest and most precise building blocks that make up the structure of human experience." Focusing on the neuro-linguistic building blocks raises awareness about how our subconscious structures our world. These building blocks consist of the most minutely precise bits of information taken in by our human senses. The way I structure my world is not the way you structure yours. I recall what I see where you may recall what you hear. Seeing the brightness, color, contrast, and intensity of an experience is not the same as hearing the volume, cadence, or the rhythm of the very same experience.

I have come to believe that paying attention to these submodalities can be a useful tool for understanding self and neighbor. Especially when one can get out of his/her head and into the experience.

One simple concept from my NLP reading -  the map is not the territory, i.e., the way the world is represented by me (my map) is not the same as how the world is represented by you (your map). To quote the book: "A map is simply an explanation of how an actual territory is like. It lists details, such as buildings and roads, however, the map is not the actual territory, it is just a representation".

Just easing back into a morning routine of meditation and exercise. Tearing sheets. Paying attention. Doing three minutes of meditation and three minutes of stretching. Being kind to myself. Noticed apple juice tastes good before my cup of coffee.

The winter has been a long one for Mom, my two sisters, and I. How nice to have the sun staying longer in the sky each day! Vicky, Mom's new friend, has entered our lives and it appears Senior Bingo will be a weekly (or more) event. Thank you, God, for Vicky. 

Have been reading Richard Bandler and John Grinder's The Structure of Magic, A Book About Language and Therapy. In it, they discuss how we create maps (or models) of our world so that we can effectively operate within it. The book marks the beginning of a therapeutic method of change called Neuro-Linguistic Programming. NLP has been called "cargo cult" science by some for lack of empirical evidence, but many are using it because it appears to work. The UK and Australia offer accredited programs to students. My favorite sentence in the book so far: "The most pervasive paradox of the human condition which we see is that the processes which allow us to survive, grow, change, and experience joy are the same processes which allow us to maintain an impoverished model of the world - our ability to manipulate symbols, that is, to create models". I'm interested in how we construct, deconstruct, and reconstruct our maps or models to get us where we want to go. 

The gauntlet has been dropped. The doctor says my blood pressure is slightly elevated and he wants me to monitor it for a time and then revisit. But, there's my Mom and this and that and I'm still trying to be creative about my employment and etc., etc.

My friend says to use meditation rather than medication. It's time to practice what I preach and break open a new Habit Tablet. I've gotten so good at allowing what's happening "out there" to control what I know to be good for me "in here". This means I'll be donning battle gear to fight with my rationalizing, other-focused self. Come on, Kristi, give it five minutes in the morning - get back there - you can do it. Convince yourself. 

If awareness of habit is one of the goals, I can safely say that I'm aware of how I am rationalizing, adjusting, and focusing on other events. This morning exercise/meditation habit was going so well before Dan changed his schedule and Mom 'suddenly' aged.  Is my desire great enough? Do I REALLY want to exercise and meditate each morning? It's almost like I'm telling myself, "Right now, other things are more important than you are. Deal with it."  

Still rationalizing ... adjusting ... focusing on Mom ... visiting about possible care options. My siblings and I are so grateful Mom enlisted as a Navy Wave during World War II - she has a team of caregivers at the VA hospital in DM in her corner giving their best effort to help us all understand what's happening and what's needed. This month there is also the added bonus of "it's the holiday season and there's absolutely no time for exercise or meditation." This will be good through December - like a valuable coupon that will expire but the merchant MAY honor it through January ... hey, maybe February.

Okay, let's get honest... my husband's new schedule conveniently continues to give my rational mind what it needs to be lazy. I could also say my time is better spent serving my 86 and a half year young mom who has been diagnosed as being in the early stages of dementia. I call this a major transition and I have zero experience with this. It's OK to let this outside event disrupt my morning routine, isn't it?

The question comes up, "why do the test?" Some want to start right in on a new habit already knowing that their body is pulling for them. I say, "go for it and good luck!"

When I began new behaviors of meditation and exercise, all was going well until my husband changed his work schedule. This threw me off for a while and reestablishing connection with my intention took a few hits. Dan's new schedule gave my rational mind what it needed to get lazy.

Elements of our life situation appear to be out of our control. It's true when the situation involves a person or circumstance outside of ourselves. But when the element or circumstance involves ourselves, we're in control. Dog gone it...we steer our own ship and water our own garden. When circumstances "out there" begin controlling what's happening "in here", the conflict calls for courage and battle gear.

Am I meditating and exercising each morning? Yes and no. An occasional battle will be lost, but it's not over till it's over. Surrendering is not an option when it's an inside fight.